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About Deviant john240685Male/United Kingdom Group :iconcreatingmosaics: CreatingMosaics
 
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john240685
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We have enough pigs in our country, we don't need this one!
speakout.38degrees.org.uk/camp…
Dear Frank Sinatra,
Thank you for your wonderful song all those years ago. Now fuck off and take your snow with you!

Omg....
The neighbors had been complaining that my dog had been barking non-stop. I hate the electric zapping bark collars so I purchased a humane citronella collar. When a dog barks, it shoots a blast of citronella under their nose and apparently they don't like it.
This morning I was getting the collar ready and filled it with the citronella liquid. And that's where my morning should have ended. But no, it's me, and I begin to become curious as to “how” the collars actually work.
So I'm standing by my back door "barking" at my dog's collar. Nothing happens. I make sure it's turned on, check the fill level, and go through the "getting started" check list one more time. Again, I bark. Nothing happens. Now I'm not quite sure, why I had this next thought, but I did...I put the collar on. I seriously extended the band and fit the growl box against my throat and barked. Apparently, the collar only works if it feels vibrations, because I immediately received a blast of citronella to the face.
I began coughing, which only caused the fucking collar to continue squirting bug spray over and over into my nasal cavity. I'm now on my hands and knees in my back yard, trying to breathe, and to make matters worse, the damn dog is barking. So between coughing and yelling at him to shut up, I've emptied over a dozen blasts of citronella to my face. During all of this ruckus, I'm trying to undo the clasp of the collar, which has somehow managed to weld shut during this whole fiasco.
I finally get the collar off and threw, yes I threw that inhumane fucker across the yard, and lay in the grass sucking in the cool morning air. In the middle of thinking this is probably the dumbest thing I've done in a while, I hear laughter. MY NEIGHBOR SAW THE WHOLE THING! He was laughing so damn hard he couldn't breathe. Between gasps, he tells me, "I was gonna come help, but every time I started to climb over the fence, you'd set it off again and then I would started laughing and couldn't make it." So now, not only are my eyes red, but my face and ears are too. After checking to make sure I was ok, we parted ways and I went in to shower so I wouldn't smell like ode de' Tiki Torch.

Lesson learned: next time (yes, there will always be a next time with me) make sure that:
1. Don't fill the collar before trying to set it off.
2. Remember your neighbor is not a good source of help in a comedy crisis situation.
On the plus side, I won't have a mosquito problem for a few days!
Even though this does sound like some bullshit I'd do, I hate to break the news that it's a copied story that gave me a good laugh so feel free to do the same. I was unable to finish reading the story due to uncontrolable laughter and had to get my brother to read the rest to me. Since he has a limited sense of humour he was able to finish it off where I failed!

Anyone else had their profile spammed by a scam link from travdiffitual1972? This person has posted a link to an adult themed game which players are expected to pay for access and has a profile pic of an explicit animated pedo scene. I'm reporting this profile, everyone else check it out and if it is still up report it too.

Omg....
The neighbors had been complaining that my dog had been barking non-stop. I hate the electric zapping bark collars so I purchased a humane citronella collar. When a dog barks, it shoots a blast of citronella under their nose and apparently they don't like it.
This morning I was getting the collar ready and filled it with the citronella liquid. And that's where my morning should have ended. But no, it's me, and I begin to become curious as to “how” the collars actually work.
So I'm standing by my back door "barking" at my dog's collar. Nothing happens. I make sure it's turned on, check the fill level, and go through the "getting started" check list one more time. Again, I bark. Nothing happens. Now I'm not quite sure, why I had this next thought, but I did...I put the collar on. I seriously extended the band and fit the growl box against my throat and barked. Apparently, the collar only works if it feels vibrations, because I immediately received a blast of citronella to the face.
I began coughing, which only caused the fucking collar to continue squirting bug spray over and over into my nasal cavity. I'm now on my hands and knees in my back yard, trying to breathe, and to make matters worse, the damn dog is barking. So between coughing and yelling at him to shut up, I've emptied over a dozen blasts of citronella to my face. During all of this ruckus, I'm trying to undo the clasp of the collar, which has somehow managed to weld shut during this whole fiasco.
I finally get the collar off and threw, yes I threw that inhumane fucker across the yard, and lay in the grass sucking in the cool morning air. In the middle of thinking this is probably the dumbest thing I've done in a while, I hear laughter. MY NEIGHBOR SAW THE WHOLE THING! He was laughing so damn hard he couldn't breathe. Between gasps, he tells me, "I was gonna come help, but every time I started to climb over the fence, you'd set it off again and then I would started laughing and couldn't make it." So now, not only are my eyes red, but my face and ears are too. After checking to make sure I was ok, we parted ways and I went in to shower so I wouldn't smell like ode de' Tiki Torch.

Lesson learned: next time (yes, there will always be a next time with me) make sure that:
1. Don't fill the collar before trying to set it off.
2. Remember your neighbor is not a good source of help in a comedy crisis situation.
On the plus side, I won't have a mosquito problem for a few days!
Even though this does sound like some bullshit I'd do, I hate to break the news that it's a copied story that gave me a good laugh so feel free to do the same. I was unable to finish reading the story due to uncontrolable laughter and had to get my brother to read the rest to me. Since he has a limited sense of humour he was able to finish it off where I failed!

Comments


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:iconspawnj:
SpawnJ Featured By Owner 5 days ago  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the favs John
Reply
:iconjohn240685:
john240685 Featured By Owner 5 days ago
you're welcome
Reply
:iconspacecowboy91:
SpaceCowboy91 Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2017
Thanks for the fav. :)
Reply
:iconjohn240685:
john240685 Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2017
you're welcome
Reply
:iconspacecowboy91:
SpaceCowboy91 Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2017
:)
Reply
:iconmikedga:
Mikedga Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2017
John,  tjanks for the latest faves and also for all your support.
Reply
:iconjohn240685:
john240685 Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2017
No problem
Reply
Flagged as Spam
:iconjohn240685:
john240685 Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2017
Thank you for your scam spam comment you have been reported for it and for your profile picture of an animated pedo scene. Good bye pervert.
Reply
:iconstatesofundress:
statesofundress Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2017
thanks for the watch :D
Reply
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